With all the talk in the media recently about this so called “Pick-up Artist” douchebag and his advice on how to forcibly obtain women as a possession, I thought I would present my own advice for picking up chicks. Having spent the majority of the past 4 years single, and managing to stay virtually invisible to the fairer sex for most of my life, I believe I am well qualified and experienced to advise on such matters!

So, here goes:

• Take care over your appearance. I don’t mean dress smart or in any particular style, but dress deliberately;
• Definitely take care of your personal hygiene;
• Keep fit. I believe that there are many characteristics more important to women that physical appearance, but it will make you feel better about yourself and if you genuinely feel good you are less likely to act like an arsehole!
• Strive to present the best version of you at all times. Yes we all slip up occasionally but we should at least have this intention;
• Be a positive influence in the lives of everyone you encounter. You don’t have to be Mother Teresa, but be aware that you do have an effect on the lives of others so make it a good one;
• Be knowledgeable, but don’t do it for kudos, do it to inform and be interesting;
• Be interesting, and interested;
• Be confident, or if you are not confident, at least be confident enough to be honest about your lack of confidence. It will help to increase your confidence;
• Be humble. Humility and confidence are actually bedfellows, in fact true confidence can only come from humility;
• Be fun, be lighthearted, definitely do not take yourself so fucking seriously! you’re not important and don’t ever expect anyone else to think you are!
• Have interests, hobbies, passions. Have a life!
• Care! And not because it will ultimately benefit you, just care because it’s good to;
• Be kind. For the same reasons as stated above;
• In fact, while we’re on the subject, don’t have ulterior motives! Be genuine in your actions;
• Be honest. This is paired with being confident and humble. If you have to lie or conceal the truth, then you are not proud of yourself and you should deal with it;
• Be patient;
• Accept that not every person will be attracted to you, in fact maybe no one will, and that’s absolutely fine!
• Converse in earnest. The conversation you are having with the person in front of you may not lead to sex, a relationship of even another conversation, but that doesn’t mean that it has no value. Enjoy conversation for the sake of itself, connecting with another person in some small way, and to provide entertainment to the person you are speaking to;
• Your paranoia’s, demons, insecurities and general shit is yours to manage, not someone else’s to accommodate! Be aware of it and fucking deal with it!
• Bring value to every encounter, bring something to the metaphorical party. Give someone a reason to be interested in you.

Gentlemen, I have no idea if any of the actions above will lead to you getting laid, and you should never expect to anyway. But it will make you a better person, and so if by chance someone does pay you the huge compliment of sharing their time with you, and equally huge compliment of sharing their bodily fluids with you, you may be a little more deserving of such attention.

In short, BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING!!!!